Dear Friend.... [remastered 2020]

"I'm tired okay. I'm tired of having to be a validation for you, tired of being your safety net, tired of being the one who has to pick you up whenever you fall. All the times you mess things up not only for you but for me, for all of us. You think you're helping or trying to help but you just fuck it up, you destroy it, EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH! And every single time you end up being the victim, you break down and add up on the pieces, the broken pieces I have to put back together for you. You come crying to me

AM I A BURDEN?

No you aren't a burden but every single time you refuse to own up or take responsibility for your shit or try and fix it instead of caulking and crying and wallowing, I had to do it for you. I did it because I cared and I thought you would grow up but you never did. The answer gradually went from a No to a Maybe and finally a Yes. Yes you're a burden, one that I carry because despite it all I love you.

AM I A BOTHER?

Certainly not a bother, everyone feels an emotion and wants to share it. I was happy when you came to me with your insecurities and your fears because I knew you trusted me but you seem top forget that even I feel. I hurt. I'm in pain too. But bit was always about you and how YOU felt and what YOU wanted to do. You tried to control and kept me on my toes never knowing when you'd snap or explode like a ticking time bomb. On call 24/7, I had no time to breathe. To a point where whenever I would see your caller ID I would sigh and be uneasy because you became a pest, a bother.

AM I ENOUGH?

Countless times you forced me to ponder with you and measure your self worth. You needed affirmation countlessly. "Is this outfit too pretentious?" "Do I talk too much?" "Do I act right?" I was honest with you, and gave an honest opinion. As time went by, you became more fragile than I ever knew you could be. I told you what you needed, what you wanted top hear and still you weren't convinced. You were enough but now you're too much.

You dragged me down with you, you projected all your anger, depression and anxiety on me when I didn't deserve it. You made me second guess, turn from an affirmed figure to an insecure creature. You made me an inlet for you and never let me out and always fed on it. When I finally grew the balls to break lose and speak my mind to you, share who I am with you, I was shoved aside and ignored. I became the burden, I was now a bother, I wasn't enough. People tried to tell me it was wrong ,that I was being used, but I was so accustomed to this mental and emotional abuse that I believed it was normal. I was fine and if anything went wrong bit was my fault. I lost who I was in you, I withered away and you watched. It was almost as if you loved how it tore me apart. But this is what friendship is right? RIGHT!? You disappear you're fine and pop up when its good for you, when you need it. I'm done with that. I'M DONE WITH YOU TOXICITY AND ABUSE."

Yours Truly,

Your best friend